The lies we tell ourselves are the hardest to debunk

Now I know. Some people are just sadistic.

A while ago, I became the unexpected recipient of a verbal act of cruelty that left me not only hurt but made me think. In a previous life I would have gone looking for fault in myself. Having now let go of the constant self inflicted guilt, I can see more clearly what people actually are doing as it happens in a purely descriptive way.

Since I’m wearing my heart on my sleeve with the people (I would have liked to) like, manifested sadism and cruelty catches me completely off guard every single time. I don’t know where it’s coming from and what I did to become the object of it. I don’t understand the intent behind it. Gratuitous infliction of pain? Exalted display of rhetorical talent oblivious of who it’s directed at? Unleashed hate and anger?

I never met a sadist in my office because they live perfectly well with themselves enjoying being who they are, and getting a prideful high each time they launch an arrow because they can. My husband from a long time ago used to say “I’d rather lose a friend than miss a good joke.” I found that unnecessarily cruel and mean. He thought it was hilarious.

This reminds me also of the righteous woman who yelled at me while I was standing at least ten feet from her in a supermarket line. In previous times we lived and let others live. After the introduction of force fed rules of behavior by a higher authority many became activists backed morally by the powers in place. The woman in question knew she had nothing to fear. I however felt threat when I raised my middle finger at her.

Wether they choose to hurt others or wether this behavior is compulsive, I assume that it is merely a character trait (wether innate or developed is irrelevant here) amongst other traits, like genuine empathy and generosity.

Funny, I met denial, narcissistic victimhood, lies and slyness, hypocrisy and communist evil virtue signalling, but never sadism other than very close to home, not professionally.

As I am processing that little scene, I am coming to the conclusion that I should be grateful for it for expanding my field of vision in human nature matters.

My belief that we all do the best we can at all times because nobody does the worst they can is shaking in its foundation. Doing your best is no longer a requirement in most.